I have just figured out the base smell of Jackson's worst diaper dandies: nail polish remover. But oh, you say, Wasn't he found chewing on a bottle of nail polish remover just the other day?

Yes, I reply, he was, but it was empty.

But didn't your husband tell you to wrest it from your son's jaws and throw it away perforce? And did you not recycle it?

Yes and yes.

And didn't your husband call you a negligent mother and threaten to call the child welfare authorities?

No, he didn't, he said, What kind of mother are you? but no threats did follow.

So that makes it okay for your one-year-old son to continue to play with poisonous liquids?

IT WAS EMPTY! DAMN YOU!